A kiss with a fist is better than none

“You would run away. We’d be in the marketplace and you would run away. Your brother was just born and we couldn’t keep up with you and I’d have to look for you every time. But one day..” my father said gleefully.

I’d hear this story about once every year. I knew the story that was coming.

“But one day, I could reach you just in time. My legs were just long enough. And I kicked you!” he said, his eyes shining with a feverish look.

I remember that kick. I was four and I remember being kicked. And it hurt me very much. Not physically, I don’t remember the physical pain. But I remember the emotional shock.

“A lady in the street said ‘Well well’. So I yelled at her ‘You want one too?!’ ”

My father laughs.

We were once walking in the street. I think my brother was not born yet. I think my mother was pushing the empty pram. A lady came up to my parents and me. She looked at me and said “What an adorable girl you are. I’d love to take you home with me. Won’t you come live with me?”. I happily walked towards her. Of course I’d like to be with a lady who called me adorable! I grabbed her hand. I smiled at my parents and waved them goodbye. I would go live with this lady now.

The lady laughed, a bit perplexed and said “No dear, I can’t do that! You belong with your parents.” I walked back, in silence and sadly looked back at the lady. She looked confused.

Children send out signals at an early age that display their attachment style. Malattachment can display itself as ADHD-like behaviors. A child that has experienced that their safety is not guaranteed with their primary caretakers, cannot be calm. Other symptoms of malattachment is a tendency for the child to be too friendly with strangers.

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