Feelings of guilt

I’m struggling with feelings of guilt this morning. Now I know this is triggered by the fact that I haven’t slept quite enough. Knowing that should help me contain those feelings, but still, it’s sometimes difficult to handle these sudden bursts of “I’m doing everything wrong! What will people think of me?”

The topic of today’s guilt trip is the fact that I hadn’t told this company (last day of work today) at my job interview that I have almost finished my Master’s program. Then a few months ago I decided to tell the company owner, because at that time I felt guilty for not having been clear on the fact that I intended to work for them for at most two years. When I think back, I’m not sure if that was such a bad thing to do after all, I’m surely not the first person to keep long-term plans to myself?

Anyway, right now I feel I shouldn’t have told the owner that I had kept this to myself during the job interview. I now feel like a lying cheat after all, even though I told him because I didn’t want to leave them questioning why I “suddenly” decided to go back to school.

I really want this day to be over, I keep fearing that they’ll gang up on me and ‘unmask’ me as a fraud. I know that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, if I am calm and assertive, and if the question pops up: not apolagetic about this but kind and asking for understanding, there’s a good chance it won’t be a problem. Heck, there’s a good chance the owner doesn’t even bring it up. I should worry less…