Reboot, recap, resume

I haven’t really blogged a lot the past year or so and I’m kind of missing it. So, here’s a new post, a recap of the past two years.

Looking back on the past two years, a lot happened. I went to Japan and in fact, today two years ago I returned from that internship. When I came back, I was suffering from severe culture shock and stress from having stepped so far out of my comfort zone that it hurt, and from having done an internship that was, on hindsight, not supervised very well. My internship supervisor told me on one of the first days of the internship that I was his first internship student and I think it’s a shame that there wasn’t an opportunity to provide feedback to him and my supervisor in The Netherlands when I got back. It may have helped me to realize how tough it had been, something which actually took me three months to realize, after which I decided to take it easy for a while and then I decided to make a change. A change that was really good for me.

I’m trying not to make this sound like an accusation or a lame excuse, please don’t read it as such. I’m responsible for the way I handle whatever I encounter in life 🙂 but in my heart I know that during that internship I needed more of his time than my supervisor could offer.

Since then, I’ve learned something new about myself, something that I already knew but finally got around to properly realizing: I’m very sensitive to sounds, smells, new environments, restless people and change. Whatever happens around me, I pick up on it. It doesn’t mean that I know more, it just means that things wear me down a lot faster than I think is the case for an average person. (Though what is average, really?)

In the one and a half year that followed, I learned more about my sensitivity to things (anything that happens, really) around me. I found, discovered a lot of things the past two years and, as it goes with the seesaw of karma, a change that brings new experiences and people may also mean the loss of others.

Having learnt how I usually respond to change, especially change that isn’t by choice, and knowing my usual response, I feel I’ve dealt with the first half of this year (you know, the year in which I became single again after having been in a relationship for almost 7 years) well. And, for some reason, letting go has made all the difference. Friends have opened their homes to me, some for a couple of nights, others for an -at the time- unknown number of months. I’ve met new people and will continue to meet new people as I’m going to a new project and company the beginning of September. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself when someone refuses to follow up on a promise or obligation of theirs and I’ve learned that even a day like today, a day of showing a new employee – who will take over my tasks starting the 1st of September – around and explaining things can exhaust me to the point where I become rude, clumsy or both.

I’ve got plenty of things left to learn, that’s what life’s for. The past two years have helped me understand not only how I got where I am today, but also why.

To everyone who has contributed to my life in any way, for better or for worse: Thank you for helping shape my life 🙂

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