A change is gonna come

The past few weeks I have been talking to a teacher about a graduation topic. We had scheduled a meeting for the 24th to talk to a project leader about a possible topic. This is what I e-mailed them today:

For what I am about to explain e-mail is not the best medium, but I hope you will come to understand that right now it is the best way for me to convey my thoughts and feelings.

I have made an important choice over the past week. What happened is this: I have received an interesting job offer and yesterday I have decided to take it. This means… that I will stop studying for at least a year.

[…]

The full story is that I have already started graduation once, in October 2010. In December I had to stop, for a number of reasons. The first is that my internship in Japan (april-august 2010) was so tough on me that when halfway I thought “Shall I go home?” I actually should have done just that to protect myself. I didn’t and it cost me so much energy, I still felt the aftershocks in December and January… The second is a matter of topic, it was not entirely suitable for me and if I’d had more energy I would have been able to complete it, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the energy at that time.

The third, and one that weighed heaviest, is a feeling that has, well, sort of befell me over the past two years. After my Bachelor’s degree, I have doubted about whether to stay at TU/e and continue with the CSE track or do something else. But what? I wasn’t sure so I decided to stay at TU/e and have, without wanting to sound arrogant, been rather succesful if I look at my grades list. Still, my doubt grew and lately I’m overcome with the feeling that graduation is the last thing to overcome before I can start… well, living. 🙁

I hope you’ll understand that this feeling is not my opinion about work or study at the TU/e. It is first and foremost a huge burden to myself, especially since I also have a lot of positive feelings about my studies and the university and also I’m almost at the finish line! It is my wish to obtain my Master’s degree in Computer Science and Engineering, but the sheer force of this feeling is too much to overcome right now. I have always pushed myself to be a good student, to do what I needed to do, but right now I feel that it is best for me to take a whole new direction for a while. I need this change.

6 Replies to “A change is gonna come”

  1. 1
    Hai Minh

    I see, instead of a good degree you’ve taken a good job. Congratulations!
    When will you start working? Do you have time to travel around? Sakura season is coming, but the nuke crisis may stop visitors going to Japan.

    • 2
      diana

      Congratulations!

      Thank you! Unfortunately, I cannot travel right now. My job starts on April 1st, I have things to take care of and in the first months I can surely not take a vacation.

      But now that I will earn money, I can think about what to do with it. I want to save money for if I want to return to University to obtain my degree. My grades will not be valid forever, somewhere around 2013 is my last chance to decide. I will save money in case I want to return: I don’t like burning bridges.

      I don’t want to spend money before I have it, but I do intend to return to Japan. Perhaps soon… ?

  2. 3
    Thea

    Wow! What a decision! It sounds good. But, curious as I am: what is the job you are going for? Must be a hell of a job to quit studying while you’re almost at the finish-line. I hope your job will give you the energy that studying took the last year(s). Have fun! xxx Thea

    • 4
      diana

      Must be a hell of a job […]

      Are you sure you didn’t mean to use ‘hell’ as an adjective to ‘study’ instead of ‘job’? 😉 No, that’s not true, I’ve mentioned graduation to my unit manager and should I find the energy, motivation and ambition to graduate in, say, a year or two, then we’re going to see if a project in the company is suitable for that. But right now, I don’t have to worry about it, and that’s a relief.

      But, curious as I am: what is the job you are going for?

      I’ll post more next week, I still have to work through roughly 23 documents, arrangements and conditions. Yesterday, my dad explained some things about the pension fund. I haven’t signed the contract yet, because there is one aspect of the contract that I’m sort of negotiating about: I need one article to be more specific, it deals with costs made by the company that are amortized over a two-year period. However, the individual amounts and what they are spent on are not specified, only the total amount is mentioned. My unit manager is not available right now, so I’ll take it up with HRM on Monday.

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