The past few weeks I have been talking to a teacher about a graduation topic. We had scheduled a meeting for the 24th to talk to a project leader about a possible topic. This is what I e-mailed them today:
For what I am about to explain e-mail is not the best medium, but I hope you will come to understand that right now it is the best way for me to convey my thoughts and feelings.
I have made an important choice over the past week. What happened is this: I have received an interesting job offer and yesterday I have decided to take it. This means… that I will stop studying for at least a year.
The full story is that I have already started graduation once, in October 2010. In December I had to stop, for a number of reasons. The first is that my internship in Japan (april-august 2010) was so tough on me that when halfway I thought “Shall I go home?” I actually should have done just that to protect myself. I didn’t and it cost me so much energy, I still felt the aftershocks in December and January… The second is a matter of topic, it was not entirely suitable for me and if I’d had more energy I would have been able to complete it, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have the energy at that time.
The third, and one that weighed heaviest, is a feeling that has, well, sort of befell me over the past two years. After my Bachelor’s degree, I have doubted about whether to stay at TU/e and continue with the CSE track or do something else. But what? I wasn’t sure so I decided to stay at TU/e and have, without wanting to sound arrogant, been rather succesful if I look at my grades list. Still, my doubt grew and lately I’m overcome with the feeling that graduation is the last thing to overcome before I can start… well, living. 🙁
I hope you’ll understand that this feeling is not my opinion about work or study at the TU/e. It is first and foremost a huge burden to myself, especially since I also have a lot of positive feelings about my studies and the university and also I’m almost at the finish line! It is my wish to obtain my Master’s degree in Computer Science and Engineering, but the sheer force of this feeling is too much to overcome right now. I have always pushed myself to be a good student, to do what I needed to do, but right now I feel that it is best for me to take a whole new direction for a while. I need this change.